凿壁借光
我：汉朝时，一个少年叫匡衡，他非常好学。晚上，因为家里穷，点不起蜡烛，他就悄悄地在墙上凿了个小洞，借用邻居家的烛光看书.....
外甥：等等，他为什么不开灯呢？
我：因为没有电。
外甥：是因为电力紧缺？
我：(气喘吁吁)不是，汉朝离现在两千年了，那时还没有发明电。
外甥：哦。(停顿)他什么时候凿的洞？
我：(愣)嗯？晚、晚上吧。
外甥：晚上？晚上他不是看不见吗？怎么凿的？
我：(语塞，停顿)那、那、那就是白天吧？
外甥：白天还有工夫凿洞？干吗不用这个时间看书？
我：(再语塞)这个、这个我记不清了，咱换一个故事再讲。
孔融让梨
我：东汉时期，有一个四岁儿童叫孔融，他吃梨时把大个儿的梨让给大人吃。
外甥：等等，是几个大人？是他父母吗？
我：(做了准备)不知道，就算一个吧。
外甥：那还剩几个小梨。
我：(语塞，皱眉头)好象一个吧？
外甥：我明白了，大的梨肯定是催熟的，不好吃。小的肯定是天然的绿色食品。
我：(恨不得给他两巴掌)咱再换一个讲。
曹冲称象
我：三国时期，有个小孩子名叫曹冲。外国人送给他父亲一头大象，父亲想知道这头大象到底有多重，就叫曹冲来称......
外甥：舅舅，停停，我知道。把大象杀了，割成一块一块称完后加起来就行了。(得意洋洋)
我：(瞪大眼珠子)那是礼物，不能杀的。
外甥：(这下轮到他语塞了)那大象是怎样送过来的呢？
我：(有些恼火)可能是用车吧。
外甥：那肯定超载了，看看司机的罚款单就知道重量是多少了！
我：(声音发颤)再、再换一个。
三人行必有我师也：
话说孔子和颜回曾参冉子三人打麻将，颜回等三人觉得孔子在鲁国做过官，手里有钱，于是三人抽老签一起骗孔子的钱。孔子最后输的是血本无亏,连裤腰带都押上了。麻将散场后路边的人问他：“输赢如何？”孔子说：“三人赢必有我输也。”山东话行和赢同音，师和输同音，于是传来传去就传成了三人行必有我师也这个成语。
守株待兔：
宋国有个人养了一窝的猪，到了冬天猪怕冷，这个宋国人就在猪圈里放了很多的草让猪御寒。有一只兔子半夜跑到猪圈里偷吃猪圈里的草，不料因为天黑看不见，一不小心掉到了猪圈旁边的猪粪池里淹死了。第二天那个宋国人看到了死兔子很高兴，于是就天天的守在猪圈旁边希望哪天再有兔子偷吃猪圈里的草淹死在猪粪池里。这就是守猪待兔的由来，猪和株是通假字，所以史书上又称守猪待兔为守株待兔。
杀鸡取卵：
从前有个人家里养了只老母鸡，这只鸡特别的能下蛋，可有一段时间这只鸡老是不下蛋，而且还病歪歪的。那个人想这鸡不下蛋留着也没什么用了，就杀了这只鸡，破开鸡肚子后发现这只鸡生病的原因原来是生了胆结石。大大小小的胆结石就像鸡蛋一样。杀鸡的时侯正巧邻家的快嘴婆祥林嫂过来串门。看到了以后就四处乱说，说这人杀鸡取卵，鼠目寸光，把好好的一只能下蛋的老母鸡给杀了。
毛遂自荐：
毛遂这人是个文学青年，经常写点小文章在网上发表一下，可是网易的版主和网友们都不喜欢他写的文章，因为文章写的太烂了。在网易BBS上混了一两年了，写的文章回帖的人没几个，版主也不给个“荐”字。搞的毛遂很不爽。所以以后在BBS上发文章的时侯毛遂都要在文章题目后面自己加上一个“荐”字。比如《有了快感你别喊》“荐”。《我是一个伟大的小丑》“荐”。写手们和版主对他的这种自欺其人的作法哭笑不得，于是就把这种作法形容为毛遂自荐。
三顾茅庐：
三国时刘备想请诸葛亮出山扶佐他打天下，于是就去陇中请他。刘备的老板刘表一向就对刘备不满，平日里给他准备的饭都是残羹冷炙，这天刘备吃完饭后到了诸葛亮那里坐了没一会，肚子就开始疼，一会工夫就上了三次厕所，诸葛亮心想老刘今天身体不好拉肚子还亲亲苦苦的跑到我这里来看我，很感动，于是就出山了。厕所在农村又叫茅房，茅厕，茅庐。于是后人就把这段典故形容为成语三顾茅庐。
望梅止渴：
曹操有一次行军打仗，士兵们走的一个个都很累，没有精神也没有斗志。曹操就骗他们说：“前面有个梅庄，梅庄里有个梅小姐，长的是天姿过色，艳美无双，谁第一个到达战场，我就把梅小姐许配给他做老婆。”士兵们一听都来了精神，一个个口水都流下来了。终于在规定时间到达了官渡，打败了袁绍，后人称这个典故为望梅止渴。
退避三舍 tuì bì sān shě
English
春秋时候，晋献公听信谗言，杀了太子申生，又派人捉拿申生的弟弟重耳。重耳闻讯，逃出了晋国，在外流忘十几年。
经过千幸万苦,重耳来到楚国。楚成王认为重耳日后必有大作为，就以国群之礼相迎，待他如上宾。
一天，楚王设宴招待重耳，两人饮洒叙话，气氛十分融洽。忽然楚王问重耳：“你若有一天回晋国当上国君，该怎么报答我呢？”重耳略一思索说：“美女待从、珍宝丝绸，大王您有的是，珍禽羽毛，象牙兽皮，更是楚地的盛产，晋国哪有什么珍奇物品献给大王呢？”楚王说：“公子过谦了。话虽然这么说，可总该对我有所表示吧？”重耳笑笑回答道：“要是托您的福。果真能回国当政的话，我愿与贵国友好。假如有一天，晋楚国之间发生战争，我一定命令军队先退避三舍（一舍等于三十里），如果还不能得到您的原谅，我再与您交战。”
四年后，重耳真的回到晋国当了国君，就是历史上有名的晋文公。晋国在他的治理下日益强大。
公元前633年，楚国和晋国的军队在作战时相遇。晋文公为了实现他许下的诺言，下令军队后退九十里，驻扎在城濮。楚军见晋军后退，以为对方害怕了，马上追击。晋军利用楚军骄傲轻敌的弱点，集中兵力，大破楚军，取得了城濮之战的胜利。
故事出自《左传·僖公二十二年》。成语“退避三舍”比喻不与人相争或主动让步。
Retreating about Thirty Miles as Condition For Peace
During the Spring and Autumn Period (770-476 B.C.), Duke Xian of the State of Jin Killed the crown prince Sheng because he had heard slanders about Sheng and believed them. He also sent his men to arrest Chong Er, Shen Sheng and believed them. He also sent his men to arrest Chonh Er, Shen Sheng's brother. Hearing the news, Chong Er escaped from the state of Jin, remaining a fugitive for more than ten years.
After innumerable hardships, Chong Er arrived at the State of Chu at last. King Cheng of the State of Chu treated him with high respect as he would have treated the ruler of a state, believing that he would have a vright fuure.
One day, King Cheng of the State of Chu gave a banquet in honoudr of Chong Er. Suddenly, amid the harmonious atmosphere of drinking and talking, King Cheng of the State of Chu asked Chong Er. "How will you repay me when you return to the State of Jin and become its ruler one day?" After thinking for a moment, Chong Er said, "You have plenty of beauties and attendants as well as jewelry and silk cloth, and the state of Chu abounds in rare brides and animals. What treasure can the State of Jin boast having to present to your majesty?" King Cheng of the State of Chu said, "You are too modest. Nevertheless, you still have to show your gratitude to me in one way or another, I presume?" Smiling, Chong Er answered, "If I should be fortunate enouge to return to the State of Jin and become its ruler, the State of Jin would be friendly to the State of Chu. If, one day, there should be a war between the two states, I would definitely order my troops to retreat three SHE (one SHE is equivalent to thirty LI. The LI is a Chinese unit of length equivalent to 1/2 kilometre. And, therefore, three SHE is about thirty miles.) as a condition for peace. If, under that condition, you were still not reconciled, I would have to fight with you."
Four years later, as might be expected, Chong Er returned to the State of Jin and became its ruler. He was none other than Duke Wen of the State of Jin famous in ancient Chinese history. Ruled by him, the State of Jin became increasingly powerful.
In the year 533 B.C., the Chu troops and the Jin troops confronted each other in a battle. Faithful to his promise, Duke Wen of the State of Jin ordered his troops to retreat about thirty miles. After retreating, the Jin troops were stationed at Chengpu. Seeing that the Jin troops were retreating, the Chu troops thought that the enemy troops were afraid, and began chasing them. Taking advantage of the Chu troops' arrogance and their talking the Jin troops lightly, the Jin troops concentrated their forces and inflicted a crushing defeat on the Chu troops, thus winning the victory of the battle of Chengpu.
This set phrase, "retreating about thirty miles as a condition for peace," is derived from the Chapter "The Twenty-second Year of Duke Xi" in ZuoZhuan, the famous commentary by Zuo Qiuming on The spring and Autumn Annals. The idea of this set phrase is to give way to somebody in order to avoid a conflict.
洛阳纸贵 luò yáng zhǐ guì
English
晋代文学家左思，小时候是个非常顽皮、不爱读书的孩子。父亲经常为这事发脾气，可是小左思仍然淘气得很，不肯好好学习。
有一天，左思的父亲与朋友们聊天，朋友们羡慕他有个聪明可爱的儿子。左思的父亲叹口气说：“快别提他了，小儿左思的学习，还不如我小时候，看来没有多大的出息了。”说着，脸上流露出失望的神色。这一切都被小左思看到听到了，他非常难过，觉得自己不好好念书确实很没出息。于是，暗暗下定决心，一定要刻苦学习。
日复一日，年复一年，左思渐渐长大了，由于他坚持不懈地发奋读书，终于成为一位学识渊博的人，文章也写得非常好。他用一年的时间写成了《齐都赋》，显示出他在文学方面的才华，为他成为杰出的文学家奠定了基础。这以后他又计划以三国时魏、蜀、吴首都的风土、人情、物产为内容，撰写《三都赋》。为了在内容、结构、语言诸方面都达到一定水平，他潜心研究，精心撰写，废寝忘食，用了整整十年，文学巨著《三都赋》终于写成了。
《三都赋》受到谅也评，人们把它和汉代文学杰作《两都赋》相比。由于当时还没有发明印刷术，喜爱《三都赋》的人只能争相抄阅，因为抄写的人太多，京城洛阳的纸张供不应求，一时间全城纸价大幅度上升。
故事出自《晋书·文苑·左思传》。成语“洛阳纸贵”，称颂杰出的作品风行一进。
Overwhelming Popularity of a New Work Causes Shortage of Printing Paper
In the Jin Dynasty (265-420) there was a famous writer whose name was Zuo Si who, however, was very naughty and did not like to study when he was a small kid.His father often got angry, and yet young Zuo Si was as naughty as ever and would not study hard.
One day, Zuo Si's father was chatting with his friends. his friends envied him his clever and loverly son. Hearing this, Zuo si's father sighed, "Please do not mention him. My son Zuo si does not study as well as I did when I was young, although I did not study well enough myself. It appears that he is actually a good-for-nothing." So saying, he looked disappointed. All this was witnessed by young Zuo Si. He felt very sad, feeling intensely that he would not be able to have a bright future if he did not study hard. So he was determined to study assiduously from then on. Day after day and year after year, Zuo Si gradually grew up. Because of his unremitting afforts in hard study, he became an erudite scholar and wrote very excellent essays. The "Ode to the Capital of the State of Qi", which took him one year to write, showed his brilliant literary talent and laid the foundation for his becoming an outstanding writer. then he planned to write an "Ode to the Capitals of the Three Kingdoms of Wei, Shu Han and Wu" with the local conditions and customs as well as the produce of the three capitals as its content. In order to achieve the desired effect in content, structure and language, he applied himself to research work with great concentration, and was so absorbed in creative writing as to forget food and sleep. It took him ten whole years to finish the writing of "Ode to the Capitals of the Three Kingdoms of Wei, Shu Han and Wu", a literary masterpiece.
The "Ode to the Capitals of the Three Kingdoms of Wei, Shu Han and Wu" was well received by the broad masses of readers after it made its appearance to the public, and people considered it as superbly written as the "Ode to the Western Capital (Changan) and to the Eastern Capital (Luoyang)" written by Ban Gu (32-92) and the "Ode to the Western Capital and to the Eastern Capital" written by Zhang Heng of the Han Dynasty (206 B.C. to A.D.220). As the art of printing had not been invented at that time, people who were fond of this "Ode" had to make handwritten copies of it themselves. As there were so many people who vied with each other in making handwritten copies, the supply of writing paper fell short of the demand in Luoyang went up greatly.
This story comes from "The life of Zuo Si" in the book "Literary Field" of The History of the Jin Dynasty. Based on this story, people have coined the set phrase "the price of writing paper went up greatly", meaning the overwhelming popularity of a new work causes shortage of printing paper, to show how popular an outstanding piece of literary work is
草木皆兵 cǎo mù jēi bīng
English
东晋时代，秦王苻坚控制了北部中国。公元383年，苻坚率领步兵、骑兵90万，攻打江南的晋朝。晋军大将谢石、谢玄领兵8万前去抵抗。苻坚得知晋军兵力不足，就想以多胜少，抓住机会，迅速出击。
谁料，苻坚的先锋部队25万在寿春一带被晋军出奇击败，损失惨重，大将被杀，士兵死伤万余。秦军的锐气大挫，军心动摇，士兵惊恐万状，纷纷逃跑。此时，苻坚在寿春城上望见晋军队伍严整，士气高昂，再北望八公山，只见山上一草一木都像晋军的士兵一样。苻坚回过头对弟弟说：“这是多么强大的敌人啊！怎么能说晋军兵力不足呢？”他后悔自己过于轻敌了。
出师不利给苻坚心头蒙上了不祥的阴影，他令部队靠淝水北岸布阵，企图凭借地理优势扭转战局。这时晋军将领谢玄提出要求，要秦军稍往后退，让出一点地方，以便渡河作战。苻坚暗笑晋军将领不懂作战常识，想利用晋军忙于渡河难于作战之机，给它来个突然袭击，于是欣然接受了晋军的请求。
谁知，后退的军令一下，秦军如潮水一般溃不成军，而晋军则趁势渡河追击，把秦军杀得丢盔弃甲，尸横遍地。苻坚中箭而逃。
故事出自《晋书·苻坚·载记》。成语“草木皆兵”，形容神经过敏、疑神疑鬼的惊恐心理。
Every Bush and Tree Looks Like an Enemy
During the Eastern Jin Dynasty, Fu Jian, king of the State of Qin, controlled northern China. In the year383, Fu Jian led 900,000 infantry and cavalry troops to assault the State of Jin which was south of the Yangtze River. Xie Shi and Xie Xuan, senior generals of the Jin army, led 80,000 troops to offer resistance. Knowing that the Jin army was short of men, Fu Jian wanted to seize this opportunity of being much more numerous in armed forces to stage a quick attack.
Unexpectedly, the van of Fu Jian's army of 250,000 troops was defeated in the Shouchun area by an ingenious military move of the Jin army and suffered heavy losses. The senior general of the van of Fu Jian's army was killed, and there were heavy casualties of more than 10,000 soldiers. Fu Jian's army was dispirited and its morale was shaken. Many soldiers were in such a great panic that they waited for opportunities to run away. Standing on the city wall of the Shouchun City, Fu Jian and his brother Fu Rong saw that the ranks of the Jin army were in good order and that the morale of the Jin army was high. Turning to his brother, Fu Jian said, "What a powerful enemy this is! Why did people say that the Jin army was short of men?" He deeply regretted that he had taken the enemy too lightly.
Overshadowed by the disastrous defeat, Fu Jian ordered his troops to be deployed in battle formation on the north side of the Feishui River, in an attempt to regain the initiative by relying on the superior geographical conditions. Then Xie Shi and Xie Xuan, the senior generals of the Jin army, suggested that Fu Jian's army retreat a little bit, leaving some space, so that the Jin army could cross the river to conduct ooperations. Fu Jian thought that his chance had come, believing that the senior generals of the Jin army did not have the elementary knowledge of warfare. It was his plan to stage a sudden attack while the troops of the Jin army was busy crossing the river, and he was sure that his plan would word. So he willingly accepted the suggestion of the Jin army.
